Setting House Rules With an In-Home Caregiver (With a Sample List)

Clear house rules help caregivers do their best work and prevent misunderstandings. Cover the basics in writing before the first shift: your parent’s routines and preferences, phone and TV use, meals and breaks, guests, driving, smoking, privacy, household areas that are off-limits, and how the caregiver should communicate with the family. Share the rules with the agency too, so they’re part of the care plan, and review them after the first week.

Most caregiver problems start as unspoken expectations. A family assumes the caregiver will stay off the phone; the caregiver assumes a quick text is fine. A parent wants lunch at noon sharp; no one mentioned it. Written house rules turn assumptions into clear, respectful guidelines. Clear house rules for caregivers set expectations from day one and make it easier for everyone to do their best work.

This guide explains what to include, how to introduce rules without micromanaging, and offers a sample list you can adapt.

Why do house rules matter?

• They protect your parent’s routines, safety and dignity.
• They help the caregiver understand what matters to your family.
• They reduce conflict and awkward conversations later.
• They give the agency clear guidance for supervision.

What should house rules cover?

• Routine: When does your parent wake, eat, nap, bathe and go to bed?
• Preferences: Favorite foods, TV shows, music, topics to avoid?
• Phone use: Personal calls and texts allowed? Only on breaks?
• Meals and breaks: Can the caregiver eat household food or bring their own? When are breaks?
• Guests: Who may visit? Should the caregiver ever bring guests? (Usually no.)
• Driving: Whose car, and where can the caregiver drive your parent?
• Smoking and vaping: Allowed anywhere on the property?
• Off-limits areas: Rooms, files or belongings that shouldn’t be touched
• Household tasks: What’s included, and what isn’t?
• Pets: Feeding, walks, and any rules
• Emergencies: Who to call and in what order
• Communication: How and when to update the family

How do you introduce rules without micromanaging?

1. Write them down and keep them to one or two pages.
2. Explain the why: “Mom gets anxious if lunch is late” goes further than “Lunch at noon.”
3. Review them together on the first day, ideally with a care coordinator.
4. Share with the agency so rules are part of the care plan.
5. Invite questions and feedback. Caregivers often have helpful suggestions.
6. Revisit after the first week and adjust.

See what a home caregiver actually does.

Sample house rules

1. Mom’s day starts at 8 a.m. with coffee and oatmeal; please follow the routine sheet on the fridge.
2. Personal phone use is fine during breaks; please keep the phone away during bathing, meals and outings.
3. Help yourself to coffee, tea and water. Please bring your own meals.
4. Please don’t invite visitors to the home.
5. Mom may be driven to appointments and approved errands listed in the care plan.
6. No smoking or vaping on the property.
7. Please don’t open the desk in the office or move Dad’s papers.
8. Keep the front door locked; Mom may try to go outside in the evenings.
9. Text a short update to the main family contact at the end of each shift.
10. Call 911 first in an emergency, then the main family contact, then the agency.
11. Please let the agency know about any changes you notice in Mom’s health or mood.
12. Treat Mom’s belongings and home with care; ask if you’re unsure about anything.

What should families avoid?

• Asking caregivers to do tasks outside the care plan without telling the agency
• Asking caregivers to handle bank accounts or finances
• Changing rules frequently without discussion
• Discussing concerns about the caregiver in front of your parent
• Hiring caregivers privately behind the agency’s back (most agency agreements prohibit this)

What does the agency handle?

A licensed agency sets employment policies, such as pay, overtime, breaks, gifts and conduct, and supervises caregivers. Family house rules add your household’s preferences on top. If a rule isn’t being followed, tell the agency so it can address it. See what families should know about caregivers for seniors.

How do you update house rules as needs change?

House rules that made sense when care started may not fit six months later. A parent’s health, routines, and preferences change over time.

• Review rules every few months. Ask the caregiver and your parent what is working and what is not.
• Update after big changes. A hospital stay, new diagnosis, or new caregiver is a good time to revisit rules.
• Keep the written copy current. Remove outdated rules so caregivers are not confused.
• Share changes with the agency. Make sure the care plan matches the house rules.

Flexible rules that evolve with your parent’s needs are more useful than a long list that no one follows.

How do you handle disagreements about house rules?

Sometimes a caregiver does not follow a rule, or a parent changes their mind about a rule without telling the family. Start by asking questions rather than making accusations. There may be a reason, such as a parent asking the caregiver to skip a task.

If a rule is important for safety, explain why and ask the agency to reinforce it. If a rule is more about preference, consider whether it still matters. House rules for caregivers work best when they are clear, respectful, and focused on what matters most to your parent.

How do house rules support a good caregiver relationship?

Clear rules help caregivers feel confident and respected. They know what is expected and can focus on caring for your parent.

Rules that respect the caregiver’s breaks, safety, and professional boundaries also make the job more sustainable, which can mean less turnover and a more consistent caregiver for your parent.

Which house rules matter most for safety?

Not every rule carries the same weight. Some protect your parent’s safety and should be non-negotiable, while others reflect preferences. Safety rules often include how medications are handled, which doors stay locked, whether your parent can be left alone, rules for driving your parent, and what to do in an emergency.

Mark these rules clearly in your written list so caregivers know they are essential. Preference rules, like how towels are folded, can be more flexible. Separating the two helps caregivers focus on what matters most.

House rules for live-in and 24-hour caregivers

When a caregiver lives in or works long shifts, house rules need to cover the caregiver’s own needs, not just your parent’s. A live-in caregiver is in the home day and night, so clarity prevents friction.

Topics to agree on in writing:

• Sleeping space. A private room with a door, a bed and a place to store belongings. A couch in the living room is not enough for live-in care.
• Food. Will the family provide the caregiver’s meals, or will they bring their own? Which shelf in the fridge is theirs?
• Break and sleep times. When does the caregiver rest, and who covers if your parent needs help during that time?
• Laundry and shared spaces. When can they use the washer, kitchen and bathroom?
• Visitors and personal calls. What is fine during downtime, and what is off-limits?

Remember that house rules for caregivers should be fair. A rested, respected caregiver gives better care.

House rules when a parent has dementia

Dementia care works best with routine and consistency. Your house rules should help every caregiver handle the day the same way, so your parent is not confused by different approaches.

1. Keep the same daily schedule. Meals, walks, naps and bedtime at roughly the same times.
2. Lock or remove risks. Medications, cleaning products, sharp tools and car keys should be secured. Tell caregivers where everything is kept.
3. Agree on how to respond to common situations. For example, what to say when your parent asks for a spouse who has passed, or wants to “go home.”
4. Set wandering rules. Doors stay locked or alarmed. Caregivers should never leave your parent alone outside.
5. Limit changes. Ask caregivers not to rearrange furniture or move familiar objects.

Share what calms your parent: a song, a photo album, a snack, a walk. That knowledge is as important as any rule.

Cameras, privacy and recording

Many families use cameras to check on a parent. If you do, be open about it. Tell caregivers where cameras are and include it in your written house rules. Hidden cameras can damage trust and may raise legal problems.

California has strict rules about recording conversations, so audio recording is different from video. Keep cameras out of bathrooms and any space where a live-in caregiver sleeps or changes. If you are unsure what is allowed, talk with an attorney before installing devices. Your agency can also tell you about its own policies.

Kitchen, diet and medication rules

Food and medications are where small mistakes matter most. Spell out:

• Any diet the doctor recommended, such as low-salt, diabetic-friendly or soft foods
• Allergies and foods your parent cannot swallow safely
• Foods your parent loves and hates
• Whether the caregiver can cook with the stove or only use the microwave
• Where medications are kept and what kind of reminders the caregiver should give
• What to do if your parent refuses a meal or a medication

Non-medical caregivers can give medication reminders but should follow the care plan and agency rules on what they can and cannot do. If anything about medications is unclear, ask your parent’s doctor or pharmacist.

Pets, plants and household chores

If your parent has a pet, it may be a big part of their day. Decide who feeds, walks and cleans up after it. Note any pet that is nervous with new people. Ask about allergies before the match is made.

For chores, be specific about what is included. Light housekeeping usually means tidying the areas your parent uses, doing their laundry and washing dishes. Deep cleaning, yard work or caring for other family members are usually outside the caregiver’s role. Writing this down avoids disappointment on both sides.

Make a simple home binder

A home binder keeps all your house rules in one place. Leave it in the kitchen where every caregiver can find it. Include:

• Emergency contacts and your parent’s doctors
• Medication list and allergies
• Daily routine and preferences
• Your written house rules
• Wi-Fi password, thermostat and appliance notes
• Where the circuit breaker, water shutoff and flashlights are

Update the binder whenever something changes. Nona’s Home Care helps families in San Diego County and Orange County set clear house rules for caregivers during our free in-home assessment, and our care plans include your preferences so every caregiver, including backup caregivers, follows them from the first shift.

Rules for other family members in the home

If you or a sibling live with your parent, house rules should cover the family too. Caregivers can get caught between relatives who give different instructions. Agree on one main contact who speaks for the family. Ask other relatives not to ask the caregiver for personal favors, like babysitting or running their errands. And decide together how family members will share concerns, so the caregiver hears one clear message instead of several.

Frequently asked questions

What rules should I set for a caregiver? Cover routines, phone use, meals and breaks, guests, driving, off-limits areas, emergencies and communication.

Can I ask a caregiver not to use their phone? Yes. Many families allow phone use on breaks only, especially during personal care and outings.

Should caregivers eat our food? It’s up to your family. Many families offer drinks and ask caregivers to bring meals.

How do I address a caregiver breaking the rules? Talk with the agency, which can coach the caregiver or make a change.

Can a caregiver drive my parent in their own car? It depends on the agency’s policy and insurance. Clarify before care starts.

House rules for caregivers: final thoughts

House rules for caregivers work best when they are written down, shared with the agency, and reviewed after the first few weeks. Cover routines, meals and breaks, phone and TV use, guests, driving, privacy, and how the caregiver should update the family. Clear caregiver expectations prevent most misunderstandings.

When deciding what to tell a new caregiver, focus on your parent’s preferences and safety first. Setting boundaries with a caregiver is easier when caregiver rules for the home are specific and respectful rather than micromanaging. Use these caregiver guidelines for families as a starting point and adjust as trust grows. Licensed in-home care costs $40 to $50 per hour depending on the level of care. See what a home caregiver actually does and personal home care agency standards.